The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm having to shit out rocks
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