Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
