It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
