actually, I'm a sock model
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
