he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
