you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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