well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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