I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
