Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry mjhernandez4560 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

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(440): View more from Ohio

Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.

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(636): View more from Missouri

It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

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(646): View more from New York

Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it

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(417): View more from Missouri

I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor

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