so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Text me some of your sweat
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
