I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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