I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
