you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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