I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
