Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
