NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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