this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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