are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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