is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
