It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
