This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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