It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
