dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
