If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
