Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
