Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
