I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize