I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
