tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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