my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
birth control should be required to get into college
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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