Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
