I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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