...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
