At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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