when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
