I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
