He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
