May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
