Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
