haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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