is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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