He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
