his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
