And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
