Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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