in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
