Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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