and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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