I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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