apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
