Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
