if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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