i barfeds in our rink
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
