Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
