dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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