My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
