I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
