I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I want to fling myself into the sun
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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