Where did you get a picture of my penis
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
