Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
