He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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