i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
