I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
