hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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