Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize