Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
