Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
