the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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