he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
