I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
