does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize